i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize