I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
