There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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