My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
