In America we eat man semen.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
