I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
