my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
