i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
