You're so nebulous sometimes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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