I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
