I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize