Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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