Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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