You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
