why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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