nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to wash the frat house off of me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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