I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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