is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
