wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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