Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
