And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize