btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize