1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Welp...herpes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
