tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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