I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
