Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
