You work out of a Hotel?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
