Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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