I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
