Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
