got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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