so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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