I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
