Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
