Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Welp...herpes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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