Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
