Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize