Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
