I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
