So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Farmville is her only friend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
