I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
