well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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