I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize