Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize