Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
