I think I died a long time ago.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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