My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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