Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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