ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
