return my video game
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
