??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
