I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize