if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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