using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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