Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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