So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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