Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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