Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have demons in me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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