I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
