i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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