Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There r osticjed everywhere
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
