I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
