you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
