dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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