Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
