I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
