The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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