A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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