so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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