My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
