You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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