ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
