So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
